Jordan Sparks is an aspiring author on the pathway to becoming a teacher, with an education built from a partial BFA in Writing at Savannah College of Art and Design and a Bachelor’s in Secondary Education at Georgia State University.  Until she can achieve her plans of being a published author, with her first manuscript nearly finished, she participates in Nanowrimo and several online writing groups. With a focus on contemporary queer works geared toward young adults, she’s used her experience as a college student and in the classroom as a Deep Writing Fellow to strengthen her understanding of her audience as a writer and a person.

I have a tough time with follow through. That’s not entirely accurate. My problem is patience. It took me longer than I care to admit figuring this out. The challenge is that it manifests itself in so many different ways that the root issue of patience was camouflaged. 

You see, when I get an idea, I am like a dog with a bone – completely consumed, singularly focused, highly passionate. If the bone is a biscuit, a treat, this works for me. It’s consumed easily, quickly, efficiently, all in one sitting. If the bone is a squeaky toy, I can make this work too. I may not see progress in finishing the bone, but it makes a fun noise; I know I am doing something even if I am not completely sure what that something is. 

If it is a real bone, a solid bone, a big bone, this is where I find my challenge. There’s no sign of progress, no way to tell how long the endeavor will take, no certainty that I can finish it or be successful with it. Sticking with this bone in a consistent way is not my strong suit. For a long time, I was tough on myself because I thought this meant things about me that I viewed as shameful. I thought that it meant that I was lazy, fearful, soft, fickle, a quitter. 

This was a tough figure out for me. I was torn between trying to be brutally honest with myself and a nagging feeling that these things were not true about me – even if the evidence suggested that they were. 

One of the first steps to figuring this out was getting some help. I needed someone who could think for me, think like me, but function differently enough to organize my chaos, put me on task, and track what I considered to be untrackable. 

Y’all, I don’t always realize how great my ideas are as soon as I have them, but I realized bringing Jordan on as my assistant was a game changer almost as soon as she agreed to the position.

For nearly three months, Jordan has been my other brain, my scorekeeper, my nudge, my handler, my finagler. When I tell you she is brilliant, trust that it is an understatement. 

It was during the first two of these three months that I attempted and failed to be the task completer she hoped I would be. I was stumped. I imagine she was frustrated (although she never showed it). Here is this perfectly curated plan, brilliantly laid out in exactly the way my brain works. This should be my EXACT type of bone. Yet I am still unable to bite into, to stick with. WTAF?

Patience. I am impatient with myself, I am impatient with the process, I am impatient with the results. The path that Jordan has laid out for me is not a 5-minute quick draw. It is a journey into the productive, creative, academic, successful endeavors I want to participate in. It has always been that. But it took Jordan’s involvement to help me see it. I couldn’t be more appreciative of the discovery and her patience while I find my own. 

Now, I share her with you. I have no idea what she is going to write about, what type of conversations she is going to start, how often, or anything. I just know she asked for space here and I was honored to give it. If she is half as brilliant for you as she has been for me, we are all in for a treat.