Circle Perspectives

“Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.”
– Mark Twain

I so enjoy the variety of people I know. The differences in my circle are vast on everything from political views to familial status, formal education to employment choice. I appreciate these people as they provide me great opportunities to consistently experience different views. Granted, mine may not always change, but it is an improvement still to be able to expose myself to a different perspectives.

When we talk about “varied perspectives,” we aren’t necessarily talking about debate, transformation, or convincing others. We are simply seeing how similar things in our sphere may be different. Why is this important?

  1. We can’t possibly be an expert in everything – learn from those around you.
  2. There are always two sides (typically more) to every story – always strive to have all the facts.
  3. We may be wrong – unlikely, I know, but it could happen – the correction from others can make us better.
  4. We may be doing our family, friends, or clients a disservice – your perspective is valuable and important. It is important to give when needed and guide when appropriate.

I am so thankful for my circle of perspectives. You keep me sharp, informed, and safe.

The Benefit of Friendship

“Friendship make prosperity more shining and lessens adversity by dividing and sharing it.”

– Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 BC – 43 BC)

Today’s quote is one of the main reasons I don’t typically write TAT‘s any earlier than the night before or the morning of. Had it not been for a conversation I had Monday evening, I may have very well picked a different quote. But after talking with Melissa Silva, owner of Alchemy, I knew the direction to take.

Funny how great friends can do that. They can put it all into perspective. They can sort through the mess you have been trying to unravel. Friends have the uncanny ability to point out the obvious in a situation we have been brooding over for weeks. Great friends are amazing.

So often, we leave our friends out of these situations. Whether the cause be pride, vulnerability, distaste of unloading on others or whatever, we can often find ourselves holding on to a lot of stuff we could let go of. In success, we are afraid of tooting out own horn. In distress, we are afraid of appearing weak. In defeat, we are afraid of of looking like a failure.

Today I want to encourage you take a minute and consider where you are misusing your friends. Have you hesitated conveying good news? Have you assumed them too busy to be a sounding board for a current obstacle? Have you considered them too successful to understand your misstep? I am guessing you are hoping your friends know you will be there for them through all of that. I am betting they would be more than happy to return the favor.

“Let Me Tell You Something You Already Know.”

“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.” – Doris Lessing, 2007 Nobel Prize Winner

So, I didn’t know who Doris Lessing was until today. But, as soon as I read her quote, I had to look her up. Sounded very Rocky-esqe when he told his kid, “Let me tell you something you already know.”

Being told something you already know can be irritating. Ask my six year old. She’ll sigh real deep, lean her head back a bit, and say exasperatedly, “I knnnooowww.” Then she has to be reminded about her attitude and we move on.

Being told something you already know can also be energizing, comforting, and refreshing. It can increase your confidence through confirmation. It can remind you gently of important tidbits forgotten. It can renew your sense of direction with a fresh look at the map. Learning something you already know can be the highlight of your day.

Telling somebody what you already know they know can be the hardest job of all. Why? Because you already know how irritating that can be. But forgetfulness and complacency need reminding and redirecting. And it is up to us to provide it when needed and accept it when thoughtfully given. If we are friends, you would tell me if I had broccoli in my teeth. This is no different.

Don’t blow off an opportunity to learn something because you think it’s something you already know. Don’t pass up the opportunity to share because you think you have nothing new to add. Something may enter your brain in a new and exciting way. You may have an angle, an insight, a tone of voice that gives new meaning to an old topic.

One of the most special things about relationships is the sharing of information that inspires us to be better for ourselves and each other. What do you have to share today?

Exceptional is the Goal

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

~Dale Carnegie

Let me start out today with this disclaimer. Yes, I am aware that some things, situations, places, people completely stink. I agree that there are times when the redeeming quality that you can find isn’t worth the effort it took to find it.

However, contrary to recent (or maybe just more noticeable) behavior, a good many people are starting to think my disclaimer is the norm. It is not. If we were real honest with ourselves, we would instinctively know that it is the very rare exception.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the phrases, “that’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard of”, “why in the world would they do it that way”, “this makes me sick”, or other moans that sound like that. I have heard them so often, I have noticed them coming from my mouth as well, even as I am disgusted by the same behaviors in others – now ain’t that crazy.

I have had to spend a good bit of time reminding myself that the way I see things isn’t always the way things are. My perception is only one of a variety of perceptions – all of which have different histories and influences. Should I assume the worse of the available perceptions is accurate, my attitude and influence in the situation becomes yet another negative influence. The situation escalates and I have achieved my prophecy – completely self fulfilled and avoidable with a better attitude.

Today, I encourage you to mind your company and mind your behavior. Think of those folks that you really enjoy spending time with – they are uplifting, supportive, positive, encouraging. Appreciate that in them and commit to treating others that way. Our behaviors, if not carefully watched, are apt to follow in line with those around us. I am not placing blame, as we are all responsible for our own reactions and choices. I am acknowledging a choice to remember that good is nice, great is better and exceptional is the goal. And we can get there – with character, self control, and just a little help from a few friends.

Joy and Responsibility of Self Awareness

If we shirk the responsibility of self-awareness, we empower other people and circumstances to shape our lives for us. We live reactively to their scripts and not our own maps.

~ Stephen Covey

Most folks know the following things about me:

  • I am a big thinker who enjoys new ideas and have issues in the area of details
  • I am a professional salesman
  • I am in the real estate industry
  • I have a large family
  • I am easily distracted and passionate
  • I can be loud
  • I have to concentrate to achieve follow through
  • I am working on getting comfortable in my own skin
  • I have no problem telling you any of this

As I look up at the above list, I realize that some of those traits can both be seen as real good stuff and amazing bad habits depending on who is doing the seeing. The wonderful thing is, I see them all as positive. I appreciate the fact that I can look into my own makeup and celebrate those things that are fantastic and forgive and improve those things that need work.

In the lives of each of us, there are traits and people who are less than supportive. They may not be intentional or unkind – they just are. It is important to realize that we need to neither understand nor alter these outside forces. We just need to recognize that there are there. Then the objective becomes to remember that we cannot change the forces outside of us, only those within us.

Today I encourage you to revel in your own self-awareness. Take time to really enjoy the you who makes your piece of the world a better place. Write down those talents and positive traits. Call someone and tell them what your list says and allow them to be excited with you. Include those things that haven’t been brought to a polish yet, but your fortitude is moving you towards improvement. That in itself is a win! Allow others to have their input (that sort of thing can be valuable). But do not allow them to speak contradicting routes into your plans. You are wonderful because you are who you are. Our maps are good. We understand adjustment. We appreciate a co-pilot, but have little need for a backseat driver.

Open Your Sails

“A ship in port is safe; but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things.”
– Rear Admiral Grace Hopper (1906-1992)

As a Naval electronic tech, I I heard a lot about Admiral Hopper. She was a pioneer in computer technology development. More interesting to me is the era in which she lived and accomplished so much as a woman. I can only assume obstacles where far more numerous. The women of the early 21st century would do well to remember the tenacity displayed by the women of the early 20th century. In fact we would all do well to reflect on the champions of our past.

Often we find those who have gone before us that inspire us to greater things. We concentrate heavily on the accomplishments and thrill at the journey they took throughout their life. We honor the challenges they overcame and admire their ability to move forward regardless of obstacles.
However, few of us translate these experiences into an example of what we can do for ourselves. For some reason, there is a gap between what we believe what others can achieve and we can accomplish ourselves. It is as if we assume those who have gone before us have some unknown superpower or possess a secret that they didn’t share. They could do all those things, but we can’t.

Today I encourage you to remember that no ship worth is building is meant to stay in port. And no life worth living is compelled by fear and apprehension. Your inner warrior appreciates the accomplishments of those who have gone before you. That warrior is anxious to be among the ranks of those who have sailed fearlessly. Pull up the anchor and be that person who inspires. The potential is in you.

Disposition is not Circumstance

“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”

-Martha Washington (1732 – 1802)

I love that thought – determined to be happy. Sounds like such a contradiction in efforts. Happy seems so carefree and determined is so intentioned. Interesting and brilliant! A complete commitment to take control over one’s attitude. For those of you who didn’t know, being happy isn’t always easy.

Whatever the situation…guess that falls in line with the old adage that an untested virtue is no virtue at all. I suppose it is easy to say you are a happy person if there is always tons of stuff to happy about. Guess it’s not so hard to look on the bright side when that is all there is. Pull it off when things are tough, then you have accomplished something.

Disposition not circumstance – think about that for a while. Understand that this speaks to the idea that what is going on is not nearly as important as your attitude towards what’s going on. This is an important truth. It takes all of the power out of the thing you can’t control (circumstance) and places it squarely in that thing which you can (attitude). We can allow ourselves to be victims or circumstance or warriors of attitude. The choice is there every day for the making.

Today I want to encourage you to place more emphasis on attitude than circumstance. I am not saying denial or rose colored glasses. I am saying attitude and perspective. There is nothing you can do about things you can’t control except exert a positive influence on it using those things that you can. I am not saying easy or necessarily fun. I am saying beneficial and totally worth it.

Integrity

“It is always worth it to stand on principle. Wrong is wrong even if it was over a penny.”
– Clarence Thomas, United States Supreme Court Justice

It’s that time again. April’s Word of the Day. If I am not careful, this will become habit – I do so enjoy it.

Integrity

  1. firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values
  2. an unimpaired condition
  3. the quality or state of being complete or undivided

That last one is my favorite. Those two words – “complete” and “undivided” – sound like the makings of a good night’s sleep.

The word “integrity” gets thrown around a lot. My optimism says that most people mean it. My realism knows that some don’t. My observation tells that most want it – depending on the cost.

Now, understand – I am all about picking one’s battles wisely. If we choose to die on every hill, we stand a great chance of creating zero change because our effective life is cut way short.  But, being a person of integrity demands that there be a set of morals we hold that refuse to be compromised – regardless of the cost.

Sometimes those values get overshadowed by the on goings of our busy lives or on the road to an ultimate goal. It has happened to the best of us. But, there is no better day than today to regain control of who we are, and not who the world would like to compromise us to be.

Cherish the Footprints

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” – Eleanor Roosevelt (First Lady, 1884 – 1962)

I don’t mind telling you that things have been a little stressed for a while. Some factors are wonderful while others are not so great. Isn’t it nice to know we all feel that way sometimes?

At one of the peak stress moments, I received a gift in the mail with a card attached that has this week’s quote on it. The gift was wonderful, but the gem was the card. I would not be exaggerating if I told you I was instantly energized and felt newly confident. I appreciate my friend more than she knows and cherish her footprints.

So today, on this Tuesday Monday, in order to battle stress and make a great day, I encourage footprints and the acknowledgement of footprints.

Take the next five minutes – we all have five minutes – and contact two people.

  1. Be a footprint leaver. Now, I know we don’t have any idea when, where, or how we leave all our footprints. But, we all know when we’ve been good to another person.
  2. Be a footprint appreciator. You already know who this person is – you’ve been thinking about them this whole time. Tell them.

Spreading goodwill and expressing gratitude can be two of the greatest ways to overcome Tuesday Mondays – or any other day that feels like it is!

Education and Possibilities

“The strength of the United States is not the gold at Fort Knox or the weapons of mass destruction that we have, but the sum total of the education and the character of our people.”

Senator Claiborne Pell, Rhode Island, 1961-1997

One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn’t take my education more seriously. In fact, it didn’t become a factor at all until I became a mother myself – funny how that works.

Now, as my older children prepare to return to school (one more anxious than the other), I consider it a top priority to guide them towards an appreciation of learning. I hope to instill in them more than retention of facts, but the ability to construct those facts into ideas and new creations.

As one who has recently returned to college, I am excited about learning new things in a different way. However, in this adventure, I realize how much I have already learned through those around me.  The life of a learner doesn’t start and stop within the confines of a building or a semester schedule.  It is a continual cycle of being taught and then teaching others.

Imagine the possibilities when these two habits are adopted. Our abilities and understanding grow with exposure to new things learned. Then that growth multiples and gives back when we turn around and offer what we know to somebody else.